Growing Pains

When we first started talking about having a blog, we were contemplating what to name it.  I struggle with being creative.  If I see something I like, I can "copy" it, but sometimes I have a hard time coming up with things on my own.  The name of the blog was no exception.

I went on a walk around our small town (I can walk around all the blocks and it equals about a mile, so I usually walk around it four times).  My mind usually works in overdrive as my feet hit the pavement.  I listen to music to keep me motivated, but a lot of times my mind wanders and I pray, enjoy the scenery, and think.  I do lots of thinking while walking.

I remember getting to the top of a steep hill one evening and it hit me.  What if we named our blog with a title of an 80's or 90's sitcom?  If you're around my age, I'm sure you can think of lots of them.  And, I did too.  I came home with a list and told Jeremy.

Family Ties (love Micahel J. Fox aka Alex P. Keaton)

Different Strokes (What you talking about Willis?)

Full House (Uncle Jesse was the best)

and, of course Growing Pains (I think a lot of girls had a crush on Kirk Cameron)!

We settled on Growing Pains and there are so many reasons why.  I think any time you grow your family, there's always some amount of pain involved.  I mean, in your head you may think it will be blissful, but it turns out that it isn't always that way.

When we had Taylor, we were kids ourselves just trying to figure out how to be good parents.

When we wanted more children, there was pain involved when we had a miscarriage and struggled with infertility.

When Jake finally arrived, dividing attention between two children and learning how to multi-task with two kids took some time.

Once we decided we'd love to add another baby to our growing family, we found out it wouldn't be so easy again.  Many tears were shed and depression set in for me when dealing with our next two miscarriages.

And, then Hope came.  I thought it would be pure bliss.  And, I struggled with depression.  I couldn't nurse my children and I felt like a complete failure.  I thought all the mistakes I had made with Taylor and Jake, I'd be able to make right with Hope.  That wasn't the case.  I built things up in my head and when things didn't go the way I thought they should, I crashed.  I'm so thankful for a loving husband who knew the right things to say to me.  He was my saving grace.

When we prayed about our adoption with Judah, we knew it wouldn't be easy.  We knew there would be rough patches and seasons.  And, there were.  When we had delays in our journey, I cried out to God so many times to just make things happen.  We traveled with families for court and they headed back to get their sweet kiddos and we didn't have clearance to go and get Judah.  It literally broke my heart.  I physically had an ache in my heart that would not go away.  But, I also clung to God like I never had before.  He was my rock.  He took a lot of my anger and frustration and He loved me anyway.

And, that's when I realized without pain, I wouldn't grow.  God used so many of those "deep pit" moments to grow me as a person, as a mother, as a wife, as His precious daughter.

So, the title comes with so many meanings (more than just an 80's sitcom).  It reminds me all the time that God is using this journey to grow me in ways I probably never imagined.  And, I'm thankful.