Give Me Jesus

It's hard for me to believe, but one year ago at this time, I was studying and praying through a 30 day devotion dedicated specifically to adoption.  During Lent last year Jeremy and I decided it was time for us to really obey God.  We didn't want the desire in our hearts to be ours, but God's.  So, we both took that time during Lent to really examine what we were feeling and decide if it was God or us.  If you know me at all, I question things all the time.  I am always wondering how I know God is speaking to me or if it's my own thoughts that are being pursued.  It's a battle in my head that is not pretty at times.

The first devotion talked about how scripture is clear that God wants us as believers to take the gospel into the world, but that doesn't mean everyone should be a preacher.  The same is true that it is God's calling for us as believers to care for the orphan.  But, the devotion says that sometimes people confuse God's whisper of getting involved with orphan care and think they should adopt and how that can lead to heartbreak.

That statement got the wheels in my head turning.  How do I know if God is telling us to adopt again?  What if we misread what we feel is being laid on our hearts?  I did the only thing I could.  I prayed.  I prayed for God to make it clear to me that our desires were His desires.

I was sitting at the computer doing day 10 of the devotion and Jeremy was in the kitchen.  I just glanced at him and asked if he was feeling anything clear being spoken to him.  He just looked at me and said, "Who are we kidding?  We know this is what God wants.  He took care of us the first time, He'll do it again.  Am I scared?  Yes.  Do I want to follow God?  Yes."  I had such a sense of peace when those words were spoken.  And, normally hearing Jeremy say he's scared about something would send me into "worry mode".  But, it didn't.

We continued on for the rest of Lent praying and seeking.  Easter came and we celebrated our risen King.  I had so many emotions that day.  I cried for what God did for us so many years ago.  I cried for what He was doing in our family.

We entered into April with a sense of relief.  I will tell you I still let the doubt creep in, but continued to trust.  We sent in our formal application April 16, 2013.  While there are times where it seems like just yesterday was spent filling it out, there are other times when I wonder how long we have to go.  Adoption is hard.  But, it is right for our family.

If you've been with us since the beginning, thank you for putting up with us (me!).  Thank you for your prayers.  Thank you for continuing to walk this road with our family.  If you're just joining us, welcome to the ride!  If our story has stirred something in your heart, praise God!  We want Him to receive all the glory for what He has been doing.  

One of my favorite songs is Give Me Jesus.  I want the words of the song to ring true in my life.  It's a daily struggle for me to put Him first.  I allow so many other things to cloud my thoughts, but when I put Him first, it's there that I find peace.

The video is a live performance of one of our favorite artists, Jeremy Camp.  If you listen all the way through, he talks about surrendering to Jesus.  That is where I want to be.