Seeking Approval

When I was younger, I did what I wanted.  My parents blame it on my red hair and the little bit of Irish I have in me.  They also said it was because I was the second born.  I just had a lot of "spitfire" in me.

But, as I got older I began to change.  I started to worry about what people thought of me.

I vividly remember when Taylor was about 3 we received an anonymous letter in the mail.  It was an article clipped out of a newspaper about discipline.  Handwritten were words indicating that Jeremy and I needed to read the article because Taylor was not disciplined.  I was completely crushed.  I just looked at Jeremy and felt like the biggest failure in the world.  I knew we were young.  I knew we didn't have everything figured out.  But, I also knew we were doing the best we could with Taylor and we included discipline in our parenting.  But, to someone else, it looked like we weren't doing our job well.  I can honestly say I still get tears when I think that someone thought poorly of us.

I look at Taylor now and see someone who is strong, confident, independent, and willing to take a stand for what she believes in.  I don't think she got those traits from me. I often look at her and wish I had more of her in me.  I pray that whoever sent us that article in the mail many years ago can see who Taylor has become.  I may be biased, but I think she's a pretty awesome young lady. :)

Jeremy often has to remind me to keep looking to God for approval.  I don't need man's approval.  But, why is it that every time I do something I care more about what someone thinks of me and not whether it is something God approves of?  Galatians 1:10 often comes to mind when I start to worry about what people are thinking.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant[a] of Christ. (ESV)

Making the decision to adopt again has not been easy.  I worry about whether people think we can handle five kids knowing that someone years ago thought we couldn't handle one!  God is continually working on me in this area of trusting in Him.  I pray one day I can let go of the earthly insecurities and look to the One who is the only one I need to please.