Pushing Forward

It has been almost one week since Jeremy left.  I'm still here.  I'm still surviving! :)

If you would have told me what it would look like to be gone from my family for six weeks, I am fairly certain I would not be where I am today.  I would have said no.  I would have walked away.  I think God purposely did not let me think through how hard this would be because He knew I would have run the other way.

There have been so many times over the last several weeks that I have cried out and said, "I can't do this anymore!!"  Jeremy would be right there reminding me that I could and I would.  When we dropped him off at the airport last Wednesday I literally thought I would not make it through another day.

But, God brought a lovely woman and her husband into my life.  And, they surrounded me with love and compassion.  They provided encouragement and a listening ear.  They let me cry and wiped my tears.  They hugged me and loved on Selah.  I was able to keep pushing forward.  I am so thankful for Debbie and Graham.  They were a lifesaver for me.

This past weekend I also had the privilege of spending Friday through Monday at a church retreat.  The social worker that works for the adoption agency here in South Africa invited me to attend her church's weekend away.  I wanted to say no.  I didn't know anyone.  I would be the odd man out.  But, I went because I knew Selah would have fun playing with other children.  At that point she'd been stuck with a mom who cried often and, let's face it, who wants to be around that all the time?!  It was another gift from God.  The whole church family welcomed me with open arms and prayed for our family.  We spent a lot of time singing, reading passages from Philippians, and enjoying the beautiful creation God made.  It got me through until the day Taylor would be coming.  But, I woke up to some not so great news.  I immediately started to cry.  Her flight was delayed.  They were talking about putting her up in a hotel overnight in Johannesburg and then flying her to Cape Town on Tuesday.  I could not imagine an 18 year old traveling in a foreign country being put up in a hotel overnight.

I pleaded and begged God to please get her to Cape Town on Monday night.  It was touch and go for many hours, and the unknown was unbearable.  I felt helpless.  But, I shouldn't have.  God has always been with me in this entire process.  It's me that continues to allow fear, doubt, and worry to control my life.  I know what is truth and yet I continually allow the "what ifs" to rule my thoughts.

I know there is so much growth that will come from this experience.  I know I am here for a reason.  It is just hard.  I told Jeremy the other day that my arms physically ache because they long to hug my other children.  I miss tousling Jake's hair.  I miss snuggling with Hope at the end of the day.  I miss Judah's hugs.

As I look back on all the things that have consumed my list of "what ifs", I don't think one of them has actually happened.  Everything has gone smoothly.  And, that's where fear creeps in again.  Because I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.  We have flights booked for Friday, May 8.  That will be just in time for me to get home and catch one or two parades and be home in time for Mother's Day, which is what I've longed for from the moment I stepped on South Africa's soil.  But, what if God doesn't answer that prayer?  Right now it is looking like a very real possibility that I could be here longer than that.  Another miracle needs to happen in the next few days to be on the schedule of leaving May 8.  And, I need to remember to praise God even if that miracle doesn't happen.  Because He is still good.

It has been so good to have Taylor here.  She has been a blessing to me.  I'm thankful that I get this alone time with her before she heads off to college.  It is giving me a glimpse of what our relationship will look like as she enters adulthood.  It makes me happy. :)

Another aspect I didn't fully realize is how much this trip has affected those closest to me, mainly, my Dad.  I knew this trip would be hard on me leaving my children, but I didn't think how hard it would be on my parents watching me struggle and knowing there was nothing they could do for me besides pray.  Hearing my Dad tell me that he wakes up in the middle of the night and just kneels by his bed praying for me brings tears to my eyes.  He is a great example to me!

I am so thankful for all the prayers.  I truly know that is what has carried me through each and every day when I have felt like I didn't have the strength to make it through another day.

This is me being real.  Honest.  Raw.  I've never been good at hiding my feelings and I think it is important to remember that adoption isn't all warm and fuzzy.  It is hard.  But, it is good.

Must I go back?

Every time Selah asks me a question about if she can do something, she always asks in the form of "Must I do ......"  It's quite cute.  It's not her, it's just how the culture is down here.  Here are a few other things that are different down here as well.  Every petrol station,(yes petrol, not gas), is full service.  No self service stations here. You stay right in your car then tip the man when he's done, and your off.  I haven't seen one of those in America since Braafharts Amaco in Pella.  There are more sit down restuants here than fast food. You could also sit here for hours after you are done eating, and not receive a check yet.  You must ask for it if you want to go.  Every place you park there are guys there helping you find a spot, and helping you back out.  After that, you kindly tip them for waving their arms to guide you, then a big thumbs up, and off you go.  

The last few days have been alright.  Friday we went back to Cape Town to visit the doctor, and make sure everything was good for Selah to travel.  It was. Now he sent the papers off to embassy, and one hurdle done.  In the afternoon we went to the home affairs office to apply for her passport.  We were not expecting to do this till Monday, so this was a good thing for us, getting in earlier.  Until we found they weren't sure how to do things.  So we actually had to wait till today,Monday, to go back.  It wasn't good for Sarah on the emotional side.  The great news though is, we got it done today, in a relatively quick time frame.👍. Tommorow we will try and note the adoption, then Wednesday I am scheduled to head back to the States.😥

Saturday and Sunday we had some down time.  So we spent it driving around and site seeing.

Saturday we went to kirstenbosch gardens.  It was pretty cool.  A big botanical garden at the foot of table mountain with hiking trails up the mountain, and a big snake bridge winding through the tops of the trees.

Taylor really wanted to go to this place when she flies down next week, so I wanted to show Sarah how easy it was to drive there.  She is not a big fan of driving in a big city with all the traffic.

After the garden we found an Ethiopian resturant to go eat at.  We were pretty excited, but I don't think it was as good as the one back home. Then we started to drive to the cable car that brings you up to the top of table mountain.   We were almost there when Sarah started panicking.  I stopped the car, and took pictures from where we were.  Here is the closest we got to it.

You can barely see the two cars against the mountain.

We did get a good view of Cape Town and the bay.

Sunday we drove along the coast for an hour and a half.  We drove all the way down to cape point, and went up to the light house.  Yes, all THREE of us were up there.  I was surprised.

Then we drove down to the cape of good hope.  This is probably the farthest south I will ever be in my life.

On the way back we stopped at boulders beach to view some wild penguins.  You can probably guess from the picture why it's called Boulder beach.  They are huge.

Here is a sign that we don't see on the road back home.  We saw one wild baboon the first night we came in to Cape Town, and it freaked me out just a bit when I was driving.

After all that we drove back home, and went to a little church plant here, at 4:30.  We wanted to try and connect with some people.

Tommorow will be pretty much a beach walking day.  Spending the day with the family before I pack up a head home.  Wednesday will pretty much suck even though I'm heading back home to the other kids. I will be relieving Grandpa and Grandmas of the little Hartson terrors, and relieving the terrors of Grandpa and Grandmas, but  I will be leaving two back in SA.  I will miss this country.  It is a very beutiful place God created.  I have taken away so much from being here for a month.  I pray that the same happens for Sarah.  That she can just enjoy the time here.  Enjoy what God has created.  Enjoy her new daughter in the country of her birth.  

Thank you all reading and praying.  I will see you all back in states soon.

Rock on 

J

On the back side

Sunday we arrived in Cape Town.  This is where we will spend three weeks working on getting all the paperwork done for her passport and visa requirements. The first few days here where pretty rough on Sarah.  She kept looking into the future to the 5 day period where I would be gone and our daughter Taylor would travel down here.  Letting fear take hold and losing much needed sleep. Wednesday was a a good day though.  She recieved a good nights sleep Tuesday and Wednesday night, and was smiling a lot more.👍. 

Monday we just drove around Gordon's Bay and Sommerset West, trying to get familiar with the area.  These are two suburbs about 40 miles out of Cape Town.  Our lodge is situated right by these two places.

Tuesday we visited Cape Town.  We had a medical appointment there to get some paperwork off to embassy for her visa.  We ended up spending the whole day there on the VA Waterfront.

Wednesday was another busy and fun day.  We started trying to find a hiking trail over a gorge, to try and see a waterfall.  We ended up driving way too far.  Once we realized that, we stopped to walk on this beach, and watch the waves crash in.

After this we turned around and found the road to drive up to the trail. As we were driving up the mountain to hike for 90 minutes up more of the mountain, it got a little scary for one of us.  So we turned around to find another trail to hike with this view.

To finish off the day we ate some of the fresh local seafood.  Hake(some kind of fish). Calamari(like an octopus). Prawns(like crayfish). Mussles(clam/oyster).  And of coarse chips(we call them French fries in America)

After lunch, we walked on the beach the rest of the afternoon, while we let Selah swim in the ocean.  It  was a little too cold for me to go swimming out too far.

Friday we will return Cape Town to visit the doctor one last time, and spend the day there again.  

So far everything is going as expected.  We pray that it continues with no snags so that everyone can return home sooner than later.

Thank you all for the support and prayers.

Rock on

J

Finally official

It seems like the last five days just run together.  It's hard to remember everything we did each day. We went to a huge church here in Joburg to celebrate Easter.  Went to a few shopping centers. Watched the movie "Home" at another giagantic shopping center.  Went to the zoo.  Went for walks along the river. Spent numerous hours at the lodge playing games, watching TV, facebook, school workbooks, and more facebook.  It has been raining the last few days so we have been inside more than we like.

Today, however, marked two weeks of begining our journey down here. It marked 12 days of going out to eat twice a day, which has got to be in the top three worst things so far.   Above all, it was the day the courts said they were satisfied with everything, and Selah(Sharon), officially became a Hartson. 4/10/2015.  😃👍 

We have one more day here in Joburg, then we fly down to Cape Town.  There we will start the process of getting her passport, visa, and the neccasary papers so she can fly home to Iowa, to finally meet her brothers and sisters in person.  No more FaceTime.

From what we have gathered, Cape Town will have so many things to see and do, we will never be able to do it all. I can't wait. It sounds as if there will be plenty of pictures being posted on our facebook pages from Cape Town.

We want to thank God for bringing us to this point.  Watching over us, and showing us what we are capable of if we listen and follow him.

Sarah told me this week, through her tears and crying, of what she thinks God was teaching her.  She told me that God brought her here to love Him above all.   She thinks that she has put her children before God, and He wanted her to learn that He wants to be first in her life.  Even before her children that He gave her.  That He is watching over the kids, even when she is not there.

I am so proud of her.  For the woman she has become.  For a woman trying to listen to her Father in heaven, and follow Him.  Grateful, for choosing me 20 years ago to join her on her journey of the unknown.  There was only one who knew our lives would be here at the ages of 38(me), and 25(Sarah)😜.  He is the Great I Am.

Thank you all for your prayers.  We ask that you continue.  Praying for the neccasary documents to get done expeditiously, so everyone could be back in Iowa by Mother's Day.  Pray for our children and all those that are taking their time and resources to help us.

We usually are posting pictures, or something new each day on both our Facebook pages. That is where you will be able to keep up with the latest happenings.

Rock on

J

First full week done, with a little lion taming

The last three days have been up and down.  Wednesday she officially came to stay with us, having our first night of sleeping together.  We went to her house to pick her up and go have a party at McDonalds with her house mothers and sisters. It was a great time for Sarah and I, hearing stories and memories of her from her "family".  Getting to know a little bit about them all.  Yet so emotional on all sides knowing she may never see her "sisters" or "mommies" again, yet she is gaining a forever family.

Thursday we stayed pretty busy.  We went to Lion Park for the afternoon.  We were able to pet lion cubs, feed ostriches, and feed a giraffe.  Sarah wasn't going to when she saw that tongue, but I convinced her she really needed too.

After that, we took a little safari ride through their park.  Seeing, bucks(antelope), zebra, wildabeast, cheetah, and lions.  We opted for the guided one instead of the self driving.  I'm glad we did.  We were able to learn quite a bit about these animals that we never knew.

  This lion here, was the lion featured in the movie White Lion.  They told us instead of paying him for his role, they decided to give him six women😳.  Before he came along this lion below was with the six women.

Well, they said the women would beat on him, and he would beg the care takers to get him out of there. So they took Nicholus, the lion, and moved him to another place with only three women.  Still sounds like too many to me😊

Friday we decided not to do anything, but stay at the house and lounge, swim, and play games.  We were able to talk to our family back home three times during the day since the kids had no school. We were able to make some new friends from Uganda while we have been here too.

We also decided, that today was probably the best day we (Sarah) has had. We might have started learning how to tame some of our own lions, after visiting Lion Park.

A big thank you to all who are up lifting us in prayer.  A big thank you to all who have brought meals to our kiddos at home.  But, maybe not a big thank you to those who are cooking meals better than we do when we are home.  JK😛

 The kids said that was one perk of us being gone. 

The quote "these meals are amazing"

And a big thank you to Mike.  To whom I left an entire softball team to coach while I'm gone.

Rock on

J

2 of 42

Not sure if I should look at it like this😀👍, or like this😱. Guess it depends on which number i dwell on.  My mom sent a scrap book of verses and quotes with us on our trip.  There was one I really loved, and made sure to point it out to Sarah😀.

" The more you think about God's goodness, the less you think about your worries" 

How true.  I mean, really if you think about it, you really can not think about either one at the exact same time.  So you obviously will spend less time on yourself if you're pondering on God.

Our first full day here, we tried not to do much as to rest from the longest plane ride my body has ever endured.  We just went out to eat a couple places and visited Lilies Leaf.

Above is the Lilies Leaf farm.  This is where Nelson Mandela and others from the ANC would gather to do radio broadcasts, print literature, and plan against the apartheid government.  This is also where the government arrested many of them.  It also started the trial that put many in prison, including Nelson Mandela for 27 years. This was all back in 1963 when they battled many of the same injustices that the U.S. did.  It was a great little history lesson of SA for Sarah and myself.

Above is a great quote from an emperor of Ethiopia.  Before I even read the quote I read the name, and knew exactly who it was.  When Sarah and I went to Ethiopia, our wonderful friend Abel, taught us so much on the history of Ethiopia. I read this quote and just needed to post it.

Not sure why neither one of us could sleep, but day two started out with us being zombiefied.  

We made it through. 10:00 a.m. was what we were waiting for, for months.  We finally were able to hug her, and see that huge smile in person.  We spent the next four hours wrapping presents, taking pictures and being silly.  It was great. This is where that quote my mom gave me comes in to play.  We were able to focus on, and physically touch His goodness, putting our worries of back home aside, and forgetting about our other kids.😊. If you know me, you know I'm joking about forgetting.  You know that, that is just me trying to be funny.  You know I could never forget about those wonderfully, awesome terrors back home😊.  I can just hear them now.

"Geez. Thanks dad."

Yeah I love you guys😊

Now, as you can tell there are not anymore pictures below.  Yeah I'm sorry.  Unless you are a part of the "special elite", you won't see any pictures of her until after April 10.  

That may be my tactic for you to keep reading this😈

Thanks everyone for the prayers and support of us here and our family back in the states.

Rock on

J

Three days leading up to landfall

Well, we made it.  We made through the 16 hour flight, the wandering of the SA airport terminal to find phones, rental car, and money exchange. We made it through the driving experience of being on the other side of the car and the other side of the road.  All while forgetting it's good to stop and eat something.  You start craving certain things after eating airplane food.😊

We left on Friday from the Des Moines airport.  Wednesday turned out to be the first of the three toughest days I've had since we started this journey. 

Wednesday we ate waffles at the church, so we saw a lot of friends.  They all stopped to talk about us leaving and wanting to know details. Though I appreciate their inquiries so very much, every time someone asked I started to cry.  No, not like Sarah cry where the flood gates open, but my cry.  Where I get that feeling in my chest and my eyes water a little and I try to hold it all back from being shown.  For some reason I think I need to do it that way so my wife and kids see I'm a big brave dog.  

Reality started to settle in that i was going to be away from my kids for four weeks. Then leave my wife and daughter in SA alone, to come home and then send my oldest daughter to SA on her own.  Sure, I know Sarah and Taylor can handle it all on their own, but this brings up what I told Judah and Jake before I left.  

"Boys, now that I'm leaving, you are the men of the house"

Judah asked " What does that mean?"

I tried to simplify it down to one sentence for him. "Judah.  The man of the house, protects the girls."

I think that was easy enough for him to wrap his mind around.

Now, when I leave and send Taylor down here, I can't "protect" my girls in SA, but, this leads to the best protection of all. The next lesson to teach my boys back home.  It's the same protection Sarah and I have recieved from the beginning. 

God's protection.  All lead by the prayers from friends and family.  I can teach my boys that "protecting" the girls, goes beyond the physical aspect of it.  That they also have the great power of prayer to offer.  To talk to, and of the Great I Am.

Everyone I talked to, I told them I just needed to go.  I needed to get on that plane and leave.  To feel a great weight just lifted of my shoulders.  I think Sarah and I were just feeling really overwhelmed trying to get everything perfect and lined up before we left, so everyone back home taking care of our responsibilities had an easier time.

Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for everything you've done for us.

J