With the start of a new year many people set some New Year's Resolutions. I have a time or two. But, this year, I'm doing something different. I've had some friends post about how they are "claiming" a word for the year 2015, focusing on what it means, and seeing that word take hold in their life. I subscribed to a 5 day "course" that helped me put some thoughts down on paper to see if there was a common theme throughout. I have many notebooks laying around our house of journals that I've started, but have never stuck to writing in. I went into my bedroom, found one of those notebooks by my bedside, dusted it off, and started to write about the first topic. "What does your ideal day look like in 2015?" It took some time for me to settle in and really think about what my ideal day looked like. I put my pen to paper and finally had some words describing my day in detail.
The next day I was asked to journal about things that will be happening in 2015, things I want to happen in 2015, qualities I want to nurture in myself over the course of the year, dreams I have for the year, and what my heart needs in the new year. I got stumped. Not because I couldn't think of anything, but because I didn't want to actually write some of these thoughts down. In my head, these are just that, thoughts. But, on paper, it seems more real. I can read those words. I see them. And, it scares me some.
The third day I was asked if any common themes were happening. The course also gave a long list of words that I could look over. Did any of the words pop out as something I might want my word for 2015 to be. I skimmed the page and I immediately was drawn to the last word written, Surrender.
I went back through days 1 and 2 and read through my thoughts. Did the word Surrender fit in with what I was jotting down? I didn't want it to be there, but through writing my thoughts out on paper, I could see the word surrender staring back at me.
Here is what the dictionary says about surrender:
1sur·ren·der
\sə-ˈren-dər\
: to agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., because you know that you will not win or succeed
: to give the control or use of (something) to someone else
: to allow something (such as a habit or desire) to influence or control you
I am generally not a type A person, but there is an area that I tend to lean that way, and that area is control. I have a hard time surrendering control. Through various things over the past few months, I've been learning more and more that I need to surrender. I can't do it all. I have become exhausted trying to control many aspects of my life. It's hard to ask for help. It's hard to allow others in and see my "messy life". It's hard to realize that my life is not my own, no matter how much I want to control it.
Yesterday we went to a basketball tournament for Jake. In between games I started reading a new book. It's written by Richard Stearns. I read The Hole in Our Gospel a few years ago and came across a new book that he wrote in follow up to that one. It is called Unfinished. I'm not that far into the book, but I can already feel God using it to remind me that He is the author of my life. And if I don't surrender to Him, I'm not able to see how He wants to use me to further His kingdom.
I'm starting this new year differently. I'm clinging to a word. A word that I am sure God wants to use to help change me in the new year. I know I won't always get it right, but I'm praying that when I do go off course, I can get back on track focusing on Him and what He wants from me.
My challenge to you is to think about whether there is a word for you this year. A word that God may be laying out in front of you to draw you closer to Him.
