"To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing." Martin Luther King Jr.
It made me stop and think about how I pray. Prayer is one of the biggest struggles I have in my walk with Jesus. I don't think I pray often enough. I often go through the day without making prayer a fluid part of it. If I have people ask for prayer I often stop in that moment and pray for that person or their request and then continue about my day. Groeschel talked about what is in our prayers. He says that what we pray for is often a reflection of who we think God is. He said if you don't pray, you likely don't believe in God. If your prayers are usually about yourself, you might believe God is here to serve you. Sometimes we say "all we have left to do is pray". That may mean we look to God as a last resort.
He goes on to say that people in the early church prayed big, bold prayers. Prayers that would heal the sick, raise the dead, preach before thousands of people kind of prayers. If we want to make a difference in this world, we need to pray big, bold prayers. Most of the time, however, we probably pray small prayers. Something that goes like, "Dear God, thank you for this day." Or, "God be with us." There's not anything wrong with those prayers, but are they bold?
With this adoption, I've prayed many prayers. Our children have prayed many prayers.
However, I'm beginning to wonder if I have been praying big, bold prayers. Remember, Groeschel says that our prayers often reflect our belief in God. And, sometimes we don't pray those bold prayers because we don't want to be disappointed. And, if we don't want to be disappointed is that saying we don't believe God can answer our prayers?
Will God answer our prayers every time we ask for something? No. But, our faith should be big enough that we can ask for anything and it can handle when God says no. Why? Because God is Sovereign and He knows.
I know I need to pray bold prayers for our child. Prayers that I'm afraid to utter because what if He doesn't answer? Will I be disappointed in God? You see, I just want to see our child. I want to put a face with the name we have picked out. I want our children to see who they are praying for. I never thought we would be waiting this long to see a face.
Jeremy and I took the three younger kids on a quick trip to see our nephew this past weekend. It was a four hour drive one way, so it gave us a chance to have conversations with each other that sometimes don't happen during our busy weekdays. I was able to ask Jeremy if he boldly prays for things. I told him my struggles with praying. Sometimes it is nice to hear I'm not alone.
God is teaching me that I still haven't fully trusted Him to see us through. I am still trying to carry the weight of this adoption on my shoulders. I need to surrender it all to Him. I am working on it........daily.
