Mary, Did you know?

During Advent our church has been covering a few women who were important in the lineage of Jesus.  Yesterday we heard about Mary.

Mary was young when she was chosen by God to be the mother of Jesus.  Mary didn't know all the ins and outs of what her story would hold.  She knew she was chosen by God.  There were doubts, fears, and questions, but Mary said yes.  She said yes to the story of Christmas because she had pondered these things in heart and knew it was right.

Christ also dwells within each one of us.  We are chosen by God to do redemptive work, we just need to say yes.  Nothing is impossible with God!

Listening to this beautiful love story, I was reminded how much it's a part of my story.  Earlier this year, I really felt that we needed to say yes to adoption again.  It was something I examined and prayed about every day.  I didn't want to say yes.  Saying yes meant saying I was ready for hard.  But, the more I prayed and read scripture and listened to what God was saying I realized that life isn't supposed to be easy.  God is going to use our story to bring Him glory.  But, I needed to say yes first.  Often we can let our own selfishness and our own desires take over in life.  We want things to look clean and orderly and neat.  The more I learn about life is that it's not clean and orderly and neat.  It's messy.  It's complicated.  It's hard.  The more I spend time in the messy and complicated, the more I realize that is right where I'm supposed to be.

So, on our drive home from church yesterday, conversations began to take place.  Jeremy reminded Taylor that she could be and do anything in this life.  Wherever God wants to use her, she needs to be ready to say yes.  And, he looked at me.  He reminded me that even though I don't have all the answers, I've said yes, and I'm right where God wants me.

To lighten the mood, he tried joking around with Taylor and then me.  I just looked at him, tears welling up, and said, "Be careful.  I've been on the verge of tears all morning and I don't know what will push me over the edge."  He asked why and I started crying.  "Today, when we're spending time with our family, who is spending time with our child we haven't even met?  Who is loving on our child today?  And, do they know the love of our Heavenly Father?"  He looked at me as tears continued to spill down my cheeks and he said, "That is something I wonder about every day."  I love him!

I didn't think Christmas this year would be hard.  But, it was.

Seeking Approval

When I was younger, I did what I wanted.  My parents blame it on my red hair and the little bit of Irish I have in me.  They also said it was because I was the second born.  I just had a lot of "spitfire" in me.

But, as I got older I began to change.  I started to worry about what people thought of me.

I vividly remember when Taylor was about 3 we received an anonymous letter in the mail.  It was an article clipped out of a newspaper about discipline.  Handwritten were words indicating that Jeremy and I needed to read the article because Taylor was not disciplined.  I was completely crushed.  I just looked at Jeremy and felt like the biggest failure in the world.  I knew we were young.  I knew we didn't have everything figured out.  But, I also knew we were doing the best we could with Taylor and we included discipline in our parenting.  But, to someone else, it looked like we weren't doing our job well.  I can honestly say I still get tears when I think that someone thought poorly of us.

I look at Taylor now and see someone who is strong, confident, independent, and willing to take a stand for what she believes in.  I don't think she got those traits from me. I often look at her and wish I had more of her in me.  I pray that whoever sent us that article in the mail many years ago can see who Taylor has become.  I may be biased, but I think she's a pretty awesome young lady. :)

Jeremy often has to remind me to keep looking to God for approval.  I don't need man's approval.  But, why is it that every time I do something I care more about what someone thinks of me and not whether it is something God approves of?  Galatians 1:10 often comes to mind when I start to worry about what people are thinking.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant[a] of Christ. (ESV)

Making the decision to adopt again has not been easy.  I worry about whether people think we can handle five kids knowing that someone years ago thought we couldn't handle one!  God is continually working on me in this area of trusting in Him.  I pray one day I can let go of the earthly insecurities and look to the One who is the only one I need to please.

Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner!

When we go on vacation in the summer with my parents and my sister and her family, we spend some time up in Minnesota at a resort.  It's quite fun and they have a variety of activities to do.  One of them is playing Bingo!  It gets very lively with money involved and when someone wins, the owners of the resort always shout "Winner!  Winner!  Chicken Dinner!"  I felt it only appropriate to name the post with that phrase because we have a winner in our first giveaway!

So, let's move on to the good stuff.  I had a trusty little assistant to help me! :)

That's right!!  Tiffany Van Zee, you are the big winner! :)  We truly appreciate everyone who has jumped in and helped us with our fundraising efforts!

We have officially been with Village to Village for about 3 weeks and have been able to raise $3,200!  We feel so blessed to have people walk along side us in this journey.

I will be honest.  It is downright hard for me (and Jeremy) to ask for help......especially when it comes to money.  I think we were both raised with the mentality that we should be able to do things on our own.  For example, Saturday night we had friends over.  I wasn't quite ready when friends arrived and Jeremy still wasn't home from Jake's basketball games.  Our friends were asking what they could do to help me, but I felt like they should just sit, relax, and enjoy themselves instead of pitching in.  But, they wanted to.  And, I appreciate that.  Just like I appreciate all of you following along with us.  God is truly stretching us in this area.  Because we have to face the reality that we just cannot do this on our own.  And, just when I let worry creep in and wonder how we are going to do it, God gives me hope through others.

We are trying to come up with some ideas for the month of January and another giveaway.  So, stay tuned.  And, if you donate between now and when we announce our next giveaway, your name will still be entered into the drawing.

What else have we been up to?  Well, getting ready for Christmas, of course!  I am really struggling with not letting the busy-ness of the season get to me.  I'm really trying to focus on the gift that God gave us so many years ago.  Here are just a couple of pictures of us trying to soak up all that this season means.

Hope reading from the bible while enjoying some hot chocolate.

Doing our advent devotions at supper time.

Looking forward to driving around and looking at Christmas lights soon.  I just hope it's on a night where the snow is lightly falling, and we can sing Christmas carols in harmony while wearing our pj's.  A girl can dream, right? :)