Waiting......

What's been happening lately on the adoption front is just waiting.  Which is okay as you will see below in my writings.  We have our USCIS fingerprinting all done and we are just waiting on the approval so our dossier will be completed.  As if that paper work isn't enough we have been trying to find grants to fill out and send in to see if we can qualify for any grant money.  We have gotten rid of a few more numbers off the blog, which is awesome.  Even though our hopes of the number fundraiser haven't been met yet, you guys have surpassed our expectations.  I say it that way because we obviously hope for all the numbers to be gone, otherwise we wouldn't have done that many, but, we kept our expectations down so we don't get disappointed.  We thank you all for the generous donations, and the many prayers you have offered up for our family.  It's a hard thing to talk about money and ask for help.  It's also hard because we never know when the next big payment is coming.  We continue to trust in God.

So our church family wanted people to write a story about a time when they were waiting.  They then would be turned into little devotionals for everyone.  I started writing one.  When I was half way through it, Sarah said " You remember it needs to be limited to 250 words?".  Well that wasn't going to happen.  I'm terrible at saying what I think needs to be said in that amount of space, as you can all tell from this blog.  What ended up happening is I used mine for this blog and Sarah wrote one for the devotional.  Which by the way, Sarah's was way better for that style of writing, and I will include hers in here.

“Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan.” That is what Paul David Tripp wrote in his devotional based on Psalm 27. That is what we have learned along the way of our adoption journey.

Between June of 2010 and October 2011, we did a lot of waiting. What we thought would be just waiting for the arrival of our son, turned out to be a lot more waiting for little things and developing our character for the day of his arrival.

Waiting for the other things helped break up the time in between. Seeing these little goals being accomplished helped us see and trust that God is in control.

Once we heard that our dossier was in Ethiopia we wanted to look for another goal to wait for. That was our referral. We waited until March of 2011 to see a picture of our son for the first time. Once we saw his face we knew he was our son.  Another waiting period was over.

We then waited for our court date. That would be the first time we would travel to Ethiopia and go in front of the judge so that Judah would be officially our son.  It was also when we would be able to visit him for the first time. This was the moment that changed us in so many ways. It was also the first time we were able to play with all the other children who were waiting......waiting for their chance to have a forever family. It was the first time we could see one of our compassion children face to face, and give her a hug. We knew we would never be the same after visiting Ethiopia, and spending time with the wonderful people over there.

In the next few paragraphs Sarah describes how she felt during our next period of waiting. Our Embassy trip. That was the trip where he would officially be with us forever, and ready to travel back to our home.

“As we hugged and waved goodbye to our son, my heart ached. But, in my head I thought.....we can do this. It won't be long before he is back in my arms. He smiled at us as we pulled away in the blue van. The big, heavy door to the orphanage closed and we could no longer see his beautiful face. He was well taken care of there, it will be okay, I kept repeating to myself.

After arriving home we fell back into the rhythm of taking care of our other children. Summer was in full swing. Days were spent at the pool and evenings were spent enjoying ball games. I tried to keep myself busy, so my thoughts wouldn't wander. But, it was impossible. I would often pull up his sweet pictures, his eyes shining back at me. My arms ached to hold him again. Tears would often come to the surface.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. We received another update with more pictures. More time that was lost, time we couldn't get back. We were waiting for one email to tell us it was time to bring our son home. I would often wake up in the middle of the night, just hoping to see the words I longed to read. That one email held so much power.”

Finally the end was in sight.  We got the email and we hopped on a plane to go and bring our son home.  The waiting was finally over and the new journey was about to begin.  Those times of hard waiting grew both of us.  It wasn't always pretty (Sarah doesn't enjoy waiting for many things), but we came through each waiting stronger.  

 We know now that during these waiting periods, God help prepare us for this stage of our family.  We gathered as much information as we could from others that have traveled this road before, so we felt like we were prepared.  As we go on with this next adoption journey, we look back and welcome the waiting periods(to a certain extent) that are ahead of us.  Periods of time that we will be able to gather even more information, and be able to sit and reflect on God and what He is up to in this family He has so graciously allowed me to be part of. Thank-you.

Here is a song that was playing on the radio of one of our customer's cars the other week when i was pulling it into the paint booth.  It brings back childhood memories, and it's just kind of a fun song to sing.  I love it.

Rock on J

Nostalgia

Our church is doing a sermon series on the book of Ecclesiastes.  The only passage I ever really knew and loved from Ecclesiastes is chapter 3........A Time For Everything chapter.  You know how I fell in love with it?  Watching Footloose.  :)  But, I have to say that the last few weeks my eyes have been open to so much more in the book of Ecclesiastes.  I now know that when the author uses the word meaningless, it actually translates to "vapor" or "mist".

Today we dove into the middle of chapter 5.  The sermon was titled "Nostalgic No More."  The passage first talks about the danger of wanting more.  When we have wealth, we are always wanting more.  We have a desire to fill up with "stuff".  If you asked my kids if we are wealthy, they would probably tell you no.  They judge by American standards.  But, I know better than that.  We are wealthy......we have clean water, we eat 3 meals a day, we have heat. clothing, a roof over our head.  We are indeed wealthy.  These gifts come from God.  He has given us much.  But, we are not satisfied.  We keep chasing after the wind.  Jeremy and I try to do without a lot of extras, but this week I had a few moments where I was feeling like I wasn't giving our kids "enough".  I know that my sound crazy, but I think about not being able to put Hope in gymnastics, or piano lessons.  Taylor would like to go on a trip next year for school and I don't know how that will happen.  The list could go on.  But, hearing this passage and reading some things throughout the week I was reminded that our kids don't need "stuff".  It may be hard to tell them no, but it's not the end of the world.  There are so many people in the world that have so much less.  It's hard not to compare sometimes.  I'm human.  I have faults.  It is definitely something I struggle with more than I care to admit.

Then the passage switches gears and talks about the dangers of looking to the past.  Our pastor talked about  how remembering the past isn't a bad thing.  It's how we remember the past that is important.  We need to remember well.  Sort through our memories.  Find a place to cherish them.  But, make sure they are accurate memories.  Remember the tears, the strained tones; don't sanctify our memories, just let them be.

Sometimes the older we get the more we idolize "the good old days".  Those days weren't always good.  There are always issues and problems.  We need to remember that this world is not our home.  We are not there yet.  And, we weren't there 20 years ago.

Another point our pastor made was that our youth need to know that the highlight of their life is not going to be the age of 16.  Sometimes we need to stop emphasizing to them that this is the time of their life.  That even a great win in a game is not going to compare for what is to come.  I can easily get caught up in those moments.

I hope Taylor sees that we've tried to be as honest with her as possible when talking about certain situations.  Jeremy and I have lived through some pretty tough things.  We're stronger because of them.  But, if I were being completely honest, I'm sure my memories of certain situations have been altered to only think of the good.  If you ask me about me getting pregnant at the age of 18, the first thing I would tell you is that it was a blessing.  That would be true.  What would be an accurate memory is me feeling scared, alone, and unsure of what to do.

It's good to reminisce.  But, we have to be careful to not live in the past.  I needed to hear that.

This series on Ecclesiastes has just made me realize how much I have left to learn from God and His word.  He is continually working on me and the more I'm open to it, the more I learn.  It also helps to have great teachers. :)

Two Years

I cannot believe it!  Two years since we picked up our sweet, little Judah.  I have tears remembering our first moments together.  We flew into Ethiopia late at night.  We were able to sleep a few hours and then woke up to go see Judah.  To hold him in my arms again was pure bliss.  His smile captured my heart all over.  He hugged me and then he hugged Jeremy.  I wasn't sure if he remembered us.  But, it didn't take long to realize he knew who we were.  But, before we picked him up for good, we traveled south to meet a family member.

We had the weekend to go visit his very first orphanage and spend time with a family member.  Jeremy and I got to enjoy a beautiful drive about six hours south of the capital to an area that was closer to where Judah was originally from.  We stopped one time to eat lunch and I just couldn't.  Not because I was afraid of the food, but because my stomach was in knots over what to ask his family member.  We arrived at the orphanage and I was in tears the moment the door opened.  We were introduced to the family member and were then taken into a small, dark room where we sat down to talk.  We recorded our conversation.  I cried asking the family member some very hard questions.  I wanted Judah to have as much information as he could for later in life.  At the end of our conversation the family member told us that they had prayed to God and we were the answer to their prayer.  We didn't have much time together, but the time we did have was priceless.

We left there and went to our "hotel" to get ready for supper.  We ate at another restaurant where we sat outside.  It was a beautiful night, but I still had a hard time eating.  I ordered french fries.  Our social worker was afraid I was not eating enough.  I assured her I was okay.  We left there and went back to the hotel to try and sleep.  Anyone who has traveled there will tell you that you don't get much sleep.  The beds are hard, there are roosters crowing, and there are many people praying outside at dawn.  After maybe 2 hours of sleep we got up and headed out to go back to the city.  We stopped and ate breakfast.  Again, I didn't eat.  I did drink some tea.  It was good.  Later when we got back to the city and had lunch I was finally able to order something.  Our guide told us later that our social worker had told him she was so worried about me not eating.  I guess that is how she will remember me.

The following day was Monday, October 10.  We arrived at the orphanage and headed downstairs to attend Judah's going away ceremony.  It was beautiful.  The children sang songs together and then we ate cookies and drank pop to celebrate.  Judah was dressed in traditional clothing.  He seemed so shy at first.  He wanted to sit on Jeremy's lap while we ate our cookies and drank pop.  This was followed by many hugs to say goodbye.  It was such a hard moment.  Judah had spent months with some of these kids and nannies.

We soon headed out the door for the last time.  Judah climbed up in the van and off we went.  His eyes were so big as he peered out the window.  It's still so fresh in my mind.  I wondered what he was thinking the whole time.  I was so worried how our first night would go.  I'd heard of tantrums for hours.  I'd heard of hitting and biting.  But, Judah just went with the flow.  When we tucked him  in that first night he had us laughing.  We had heard the orphanage left lights on, so we started with that.  Jeremy and I were laying in bed and Judah would just peak over at us and laugh.  So, we decided lights out might be better.

We had a great week in Ethiopia with him.  He instantly fell in love with Jeremy's ipod (something we now wish we would've waited to introduce).  By the end of our time in Ethiopia he was understanding a lot of what we said to him, but we also took notes from the owner of the guest house we stayed at on certain words we knew we might need.  We ended up recording our sweet friend telling Judah how he was going to get on a plane, land, get on another plane, land, and get on one more plane before he would finally meet his brother and sisters.  It is a video I treasure to this day.

Before we headed to the airport on our last night we stood together with the other family that stayed with us and prayed with the owner of the guest house.  She prayed in their native language and even though I couldn't understand what she was saying, it moved me to tears.

When we embarked on the plane I didn't know what the future would look like.  I was just happy to be beginning our new journey together as a family of 6.

And, two years later I am in awe of how far we've come.  Judah has been a blessing to our family, even on the hard days (and there have been hard days).  Those first few weeks home I felt like I had a newborn.  I wasn't sleeping well (jet lag hit me hard that trip), Judah was into exploring everything, and I was just exhausted.  But, we found our groove.  And, it's been good.  Two years later I can see beauty that has come from some hard stuff.  I think of the song Beautiful Things by Gungor when I think of our adoption of Judah.

I just want to say thank you to everyone for loving us through our adoption of Judah.  We are forever grateful for the support!